the game of life

I usually don't do write about personal things. Deep thoughts and funny things, yeah but as far as how school's going and stuff I just usually don't get too personal. But today I want to at least get a little more personal.

The last couple weeks have been hard. My brother warned me about winter semester before he went to China. He said that winter semester is usually hard because we don't have many breaks and it's cold. I'm definitely feeling that right now.
A few weeks ago I had a break down on campus. I was tired from the continuous lack of sleep and I had a lot to think about. I went into the bathroom in the Jessie Knight Building. I went into the stall and just cried without caring who heard me. I really wanted to talk to my mom but she was at the temple I think.
Most of the time I'm happy and I feel fine, but for some reason when life is busy and I have a lot to think about it's harder than it usually would be.
I miss my family a lot. I talk to my parents often but the last little bit I haven't really talked to my siblings. At the first of the semester around my birthday, many of my brothers and sisters came to visit or they called a lot. I just haven't seen anyone for a little while. My brother's not here at BYU this semester either. He's in China and sometimes I'll be walking on campus and remembering the times when he was here too. It seems like ages ago! I'm sure he doesn't know it but he helped me a lot. My family gives me strength and when I talk to them my problems seem much smaller. I did go home this weekend to go to a funeral and it was great to see my parents. I love BYU but when it was time to leave home and come back to Provo I just didn't want to.
Last week Brother Archuleta, the first counselor in our bishopric, came up to me after ward prayer. Because I'm serving as the relief society president I expected him to pull me aside and inform me of someone that needs help or someone that I should be aware of or some kind of assignment. Instead he asked how I was doing. I told him that I was good because that's just what comes out in casual conversation but this wasn't just a "hello how are you?" He really wanted to know how I was doing. I told him that I had had a hard week and I've been pretty stressed. For some reason he felt that he should see how I'm doing. On the verge of tears, I told him thank you. I was very grateful for this because sometimes life just gets lonely. Even though I have friends and roommates and family, life still gets lonely. Even though I know that my family and friends love Satan works hard on trying to make me forget. After talking to Brother Archuleta I gained a better understanding that my Father in Heaven is aware of me. I'm grateful for Brother Archuleta's kindness. And for a Father in Heaven who watches over me.
Brother Archuleta talked to me again yesterday. He told me not to keep my feelings inside and that it's good to talk to people. I've been thinking a lot about what he said because I think that I do keep my feelings inside. I do like to open up and talk to people but it's different going to someone and telling them MY problems. It's also hard to talk to someone that isn't really going to listen to me. Yeah they might sit and listen but I mean really listen. Anyway I need to enjoy the last little bit of this semester!
Life is a roller coaster that's for sure!! I got a blessing from my dad on Saturday and in the blessing he said something like I'm having these experiences to help me have a full life. Which I completely believe but when you're going through hard times it's not that easy to say "Oh this is helping me learn about life". It stinks when it's hard and usually I JUST want it to end! It will end. I know it will :) And I have so much more in life to look forward to, not to mention an AWESOME summer being an Oakcrest counselor!!!